pink white.jpg

Our favorite Indonesian poet returns with words for this most important month,
inspired by Ian and Mickey and Frank and pink and white.
by: fajar zakhri


Notes from the poet:
Written last November, Fajar says these words were inspired, in a way, by the eponymous television series - in particular by that final Ian/Mickey scene where they're reunited in jail, and Frank Ocean's "Pink + White" plays. If you know, you know. One of the most complicated painful, beautiful relationships to ever grace the small screen.

"I was with someone at that time who'd recently really got into Frank O's Blond(e). Given the whole situation that song started to take on another meaning and I became inspired to write this nugget.”

Find Fajar on Instagram here.
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- to aidan, who i loved with the good and the careless in me

this deadbeat city and relentless world
will have you believe that this is not worth fighting for
that there is too much in the way and not even love
is enough foundation lay anything sustainable on

and people, in all their post-modernist malaise,
will have you believe that this is a waste of effort
why invest on uncertain, improbable matters
when there are very few lucrative yieldings

and society makes ten great leaps only to revert a hundred back
will have you believe that your whole is never greater
than the sum of your parts and even then you will still greatly lack
the first aid kit that will come to your rescue but not help you recover

and you spend money on things you don’t really need
all the people who’ll ride or die for you you’d rather be dispensed with
is there too much love or has there never been enough of it
and all we’ll ever be are fucked-up cretins or hell-raising pundits

it would be a callous lie to say that i don’t feel the need to prove myself
it would be wrong of me to remain inert in the face of mass-produced angst
but these are the days of doing nothing and keeping things to ourselves
these are the days of dancing on ruins, rising above this endless mess

and what difference would it make if i were a girl
as a boy i don’t do the things that boys are supposed to do
boys aren’t supposed to love other boys, remember
would you say it back if i were in their presence and said ‘i love you’

nothing in life is ever staunchly set in stone
much as these limbs root themselves to our bones
and tell us that it’s human nature
but how can they be so sure

when they, in all their smugness and self-righteousness,
have you believe that you’re ugly, broken and worthless
and as such you overcompensate with discreet loudness
lest we forget all roads to hell are ablaze with good intentions

and smoulder with things that offer little to no explanation
that bridge the line between certainty and hesitation
and as such I’d rather render it brimming with conviction
even if some have died in their attempt to trespass the horizon

it was never done in vain
we manifest the love we gain
and you really do need to understand
the divine never desists even when slain

and the shame they taught us
will mutate into pride
big enough to move mountains
small enough to fit our coupled hands

singing kumbaya

Uma Ramiah